| Blue.... |
[Nov. 9th, 2004|12:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Devlins - Waves | ] |
OK - why do I keep losing my temper? I am on such a short fuse at the moment I just want to lash out at everyone. I am not coping at all with anything. I am finding it harder and harder to "organise" my family every day. I really shouldn't have to tell Alex to take his coat out every day, or remind Nicky that he needs his school bag in the mornings. Today, yet again, we had to go back home after dropping Alex off because we'd forgotten Nicky's bag.
The other day, I really lost it just as we arrived at the M-in-L's house to drop off the kids. Nicky had forgotten his coat. I wasn't there when they were getting ready. Eddie was - and he should have checked. So I lost my temper and the Mother-in-Law wouldn't let me in her house! And last week I lost it in Church when we were setting up for the toddler's group because this flamin' woman took an innocent comment the wrong way. She always does - she's lived alone for the past 50 years so I suppose she's just not used to the compromises we all have to make in daily living as a family - but she just pissed me off and I blew my top and stormed out. I made a complete fool of myself but she pushed the wrong buttons on the wrong day.
And I feel like a worthless blob. I'm just not able to work up any enthusiasm for anything. I'm not sleeping brilliantly at night, so consequently I keep dropping off whenever I sit down. I've been trying for a part-time job - but keep getting rejected. I can't go back to mindless shelf stacking and there's no-way I could do cleaning when I can't even clean my own house. I want to work with people but I don't want to clean old ladies' bums - no way!! I do loads of great and very enjoyable voluntary work and if I could get paid for that I'd be laughing - but I don't. And that makes me feel even more worthless. My age (47) is against me, and I've not done paid work in an office or whatever since my kids were born. So even though I've kept my skills up and had tonnes of unpaid experience, no-one wants me.
I guess I'm heading back down the slippery slope to depression - which I suffered for several years after the kids were born. But whenever I try the doctors there are no appointments left, try again tomorrow at 8.30 (the exact time I'm taking kids to school). And after I've kept my finger on the redial button and finally get through at 9am I'm told there are no appointments left, try again tomorrow.
Some days I don't even want to wake up in the morning - I want to just sleep forever...... |
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| Nothing ever happens....... |
[Nov. 1st, 2004|06:27 pm] |
Well I've not been updating this for months and months. Basically I didn't bother renewing my membership and wasn't sure I could still update. But it seems I can.
But live if pretty boring really. Nothing ever happens. I get up - get the kids to school, check my emails, do some voluntary stuff, pay bills, collect the kids, watch TV, go to bed. At weekends there might be a gig to go to - but generally one of the same three bands - Eddie and The Hot Rods, The Sweeney and Otway - and since the band members are all interlocking, it's generally the same people there at the gigs too.
Off to Dunkerque France in three weeks with Otway and Wilko Johnson (ex Dr Feelgood - back in the 70's) and then nothing much to look forward to except debts stretching off to the long distance horizon.
Tried getting a couple of part-time jobs but to no avail. I have to have work to fit around the kids, and also I can only earn a certain amount per week because of being a carer for Nicky (£77 - a real pittance) so can't work more than about 10 hours or even less if I take on something which uses the skills and qualifications I've collected over the past 30 years. And there aren't many interesting jobs which either pay that little or will allow me to work so few hours.
Who want's to work anyway? I spent enough years as a wage slave. I'd like to stay at home and make pretty birthday and Christmas cards which I can sell on eBay or whatever. In fact, I think that's just what I'll do - if I can get enough stock together.
Back to the little cocoon I call my life..... |
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| Been a long time, been a long time, been a lonely, lonely, lonely, lonley time..... |
[Dec. 15th, 2003|01:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Keith Emerson - The Christmas Album | ] |
It has indeed been a very long time. So much has happened but nothing much to interest people here.
I had a major PC crash (AGAIN) in September a couple of days before I went into hospital to have an op - and for ages didn't feel like sitting in front of the PC. So it's only now that I'm writing here again.
I had a horrid dermoid cyst growing in my left ovary. They're where an unfertilised egg tries to produce a baby - so the cyst contains bone tissue, teeth, hair, brain tissue and even "appendages"!!! Gross!! But also a little sad really.
Anyway I had to have it removed along with my ovary. The op went well but the day after I came home I was sitting on the loo when I looked down and saw my innards poking out of my tummy – my stitches had burst. Luckily it was a Sunday evening and Eddie was there otherwise if it had happened the next morning after everyone had left for the day I don’t know what I would have done! There was no way I could move from that toilet seat!
The ambulance crew arrived within 5 minutes – a record! However our toilet is tiny and whilst she was trying to bind me up the paramedic got stuck too – so it was a bit like a TV farce – if you saw it on TV you’d never have believed it! There was a filing cabinet at the bottom of the stairs and there was no way they could get me past it so Eddie pushed it out of the way. However when he tried to move it back the next day it wouldn’t budge. Just goes to show how adrenaline can give you the strength of Superman! It’s all very funny looking back on it – but at the time I was shaking like I’d just fallen in an icy pond. Anyway, I was stitched back up again and after another four days allowed back home and have made a full recovery (And I made sure I carried a telephone with me whenever I went into the bathroom until I was completely healed).
One recent highlight for me was meeting my hero Keith Emerson from Emerson Lake and Palmer. I have been a huge fan of his for over 30 years but he rarely plays in Britain - I’d only seen him four times in 30 years. However he re-formed his old 60’s band The Nice and played a few gigs in November. I managed to go the three of them. After the Basingstoke concert I waited backstage and got his autograph and some photos taken.
This is a picture of the event - excuse the cheesey grin - I was so excited to finally get to meet him as he was the last of my "heros" whom I'd not met and also the one I'd always wanted to meeet more than anyone else. He was the person responsible for my love of rock music and for opening my mind to all the various types of music. Before that I was a classical music snob.
For the last gig in Watford I had met up with some of the people on the email group and one of them asked for a lift back to the hotel where she was staying – the same one the band were at. She’d come over from the US and done the whole tour and got to know them well. I actually ended up in the bar having a drink and a talk with Keith Emerson!! And I got two goodnight kisses from him too! The sad thing was that he was no longer the exciting, dymanic, good looking 28 year old I first fancied, but a very tired man who is one year away from collecting his bus pass. But on stage he is still a very exciting artist to watch.
Went away to Dunkerque (France) on our annual trip with the Otway band. A right laugh as usual - though I suddenly realised at 1.30 on the Friday that although I'd packed the passports I'd also UNPACKED them - so I had to drive home from the hotel we were staying in at Dunkirk (England) to fetch them. Two hours each way through fog and pouring rain. Finally got back to the hotel at 5.30 am!! Thank goodness I don't really drink. Most people were getting very merry in the pub that evening but I only had a half of Guinness - had I had any more I wouldn't have been able to drive and we wouldn't have been able to go to Dunkerque. And Eddie would have killed me!!!! Needless to say I was the butt of several jokes throughout the weekend and some people won't let me forget it! Still despite that I was able to stay awake for the rest of the day - not climbing into my hotel bed until around 2 am.
Unfortunately, Alex was sick all that weekend so I had a Bad Mum Guilt Complex - and when we got home Nicky was sick in the night - and the next day I came down with a flu bug - so there were all three of us feeling rotten. I got bronchitis as well as flu and Nicky and I spent all week in bed. Poor thing - I couldn't look after myself let alone him. And then Eddie caught it the next weekend. :-( Oh well! We're all better now thank goodness.
We're all busy getting ready for Christmas - we've already done lots of carol concerts and two Christingle services. Both boys have been singing in the school choir and have also done readings in Church. Nicky even volunteered to sing solo on Once In Royal David's City - completely off the cuff in the middle of the Cubs Christingle service! A real weepy moment!
Next year hopefully Justin Currie will release his Uncle Devil Show album and I can't wait. Like most fans I've already got hold of a copy but I want the Real Thing. It's got me far more excited than Can You Do Me Good - which to be honest I wasn't so keen on. Especially all the druggie references. I just hope that the Opposite View mailing list will pick up when it comes out. At the moment it's a certain Mr B winding up everyone else. I have had a lot of run-ins with him and been very upset by him. So much so that I barely dare contribute to OV any more and have even seriously considered unsubbing purely because of him. But I've also made so many terrific friends via OV that I don't want to let him force me off . Unfortunately most of these friends very rarely contribute any more either - but we still chat by private email.
Anyway - I suppose I've procrastinated long enough. I need to get on with writing out my Christmas cards! I'm already way too late with them! |
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| What's going on? |
[Aug. 20th, 2003|07:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Emerson Lake and Palmer - The Manticore Vaults | ] |
OK so I've not written for yonks. I've not had anything to relate really and it's been too darn hot to do anything. We Brits recently suffered the hottest day in history - 101 degrees F. You Yanks may be used to it but we're not! And we don't have air conditioning over here! And it's always so humid - you get drenched just walking down the garden to feed the guinea pigs.
I was supposed to go and watch Eric Clapton play cricket that day but couldn't motivate myself to go and sit in the sunshine with the kids and end up with a headache. I don't react well to heat. And everyone who went got to meet him and have long chats and things. So I wish I'd gone now. But I wouldn't have enjoyed it - would I ???? I'll never know now.
Things going on in my life:
- Met up with Lori and Karen from the OV list - yay!! Had a guided walk through London with them and Libby and Andrew one evening last week and then went for a meal in Windsor with them last night before they flew back to California and Toronto respectively.
- Went to see Kris Dollimore in his new band The Germans. Very insteresting venue and audience to say the least! Good band though.
- Got a dermoid cyst on one of my ovaries so yet again I need an operation. That's three major ops in a little over two years. I hate growing old.
- Off to see Otway and Robert Plant and Roy and Nick Harper and loads of other bands this weekend at Canterbury Fayre. Taking the tent and the family.
- Three gigs with Keith Emerson and The Nice to look forward to in October plus two with Carl Palmer (and possible surprise guest appearance from Greg Lake in November) - not to mention the various Otway gigs coming up. Life is looking interesting again.
REALITY CHECK - the guys I had crushes on when I was a teenager, like Robert Plant, Roger Daltry and especially Keith Emerson (biggest crush ever!! And I still rather fancy him) are all going to be 60 within the next year or so!!!! Roger Daltry still looks bloody good though. Keith ain't bad though Planty's not weathered quite so well. But that's a VERY scary thought and makes me think of my own mortality.....
Still, Iain Harvie's only 41. A mere babe in arms compared to the rest of them. But he's now managing a band of 21 year olds and not performing :-( So I'll probably never see him again. Sob!
Time to move on. Time to find a NEW band to follow. Cosmic Rough Riders were pretty darn good at Guildford Festival - and they're playing locally soon.
And of course there's always OTWAY! :-) |
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| Ughhhh!! |
[May. 16th, 2003|06:43 pm] |
I really MUST go to the quacks about these migraine!!!!! I've been in bed for the past two days. I hate them.
On the other hand - booked a few weekends away with the family. Otway gigs and Festivals. Taking the new tent.... I've never been camping in a tent before apart from when I went to Reading Festival back in the '70's.
Going up north for our Anniversary weekend (argh! 12 years married on 8th June!!) and staying with a really mad crowd we met on the coach trip to Dunkerque (France) last year. They have their own brewery and have created a BLUE beer called "Otway's Ink" after the ink he used to drink at school to impress the girls. I wonder if I'll have blue pee if I drink it..... |
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| Wet.... |
[May. 13th, 2003|04:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bunsen Burner - John Otway | ] |
What IS up with the BRitish weather these days? One minute it's beautiful and sunny, the next it's pissing down. We've had sunshine, rain, thunder and lightening and now a hailstorm with centimeter diameter hailstones !!!! All within a couple of hours. Horrid weather!!!! |
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| Reality? What's Reality?? |
[May. 9th, 2003|10:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Eddie & THe Hot Rods - Luvly Ol' Job | ] |
I'm a seriously BAD mother! I've barely seen my kids recently. But I've been having such a brilliant time.
Last Thursday Eddie and I went to see Dr Feelgood in Ascot - just one train stop away. http://www.drfeelgood.de/ Steve Walwyn is such a great guitarist - and I'd never noticed before but he gets some SERIOUS blues from that guitar without ANY pedals at all. I really enjoy the Feelgoods.
A couple of years ago we went to a few of the Naughty Rhythms gigs - a tour with four artists just before Christmas. It's set up by the Feelgoods, and this particular year the bill consisted of Otway, Eddie and The Hot Rods, Dr Feelgood and The Hamsters. This week I did my own mini Naughty Rhythms tour. Feelgoods on Thursday, and then on Saturday I drove up to Derby to see Otway followed on Sunday by the Rods, just down the road in Mansfield. It was a great weekend - completely different from my daily grind.
I met up with my mate Ed Hall at the hotel we were both staying in. I don't mind not drinking so I drove him to the gig, and we snuck in for the soundcheck. Otway was doing the Hot Rods most famous song, "Do Anything You Wanna Do", and made a pretty good job of it actually. Well it helped that the Rods guitarist is in his band! :-)
There were a lot of people we recognised from the list there - and it's nice to get together with the Northern crowd again. The place was packed, the beer was great (shame I was driving!!!) and the Band excellent as usual. There were quite a few new ad-libs as the venue was odd - the stage had a very low ceiling so when Richard did his bit where he plays the guitar behind his back on a stool no-one could see him - so Murray and Otway knelt on the stage and pretending to copy him. Also there was a shelf in front where they could put their beer - but Rich couldn't quite reach - so Otway had to pass it over to him between numbers. Eventually Jon Padgett The Roadie made a clever device out of a coat hanger so Richard could hang his pint up. Too much Blue Peter!!!
Anyway, I was knackered after driving 2 and a half hours up there so it was a fairly early night for me.
Next day was beautiful so we went to Mansfield to find Ed's hotel for that night, checked out the venue, and drove around to Matlock and other places. It's a lovely neck of the woods there. Then we went to Jon and Jan Padgett's as I was staying there that night. Richard was there too so we had a drink and a chat before heading off back to Mansfield. Jon theoretically had the night off - but did actually end up helping out - Rich's pedals were playing up and there was a smoke machine which was choking everyone - Barrie Hot Rod could barely sing, so Jon stuck gaffer tape over it (though it burned through!!)
The Hot Rods only just made it to the gig. Doors opened at 7.30 in theory but they'd not arrived! They got there just after and managed to set up and soundcheck by 8. But they played a blistering set. Bloody brilliant. A couple of people from the Otway gig were there too so we just stood at the front and danced (if you can call it that!!). After the gig, the rest of the Rods drove back - 3½ hours!! - and The Padgett’s, Richard, Ed and I went for an Indian. Got there just as they were closing the doors so it was a bit of a rush - and I ended up downing a glass and a half of wine in just a couple of minutes. Felt a bit squiffy as I went out of the door, but Richard, gallant as always, helped me over the road. I'd been on Archers all evening too. But oddly, apart from the little episode, I was pretty sober most of the evening.
Ed left for his hotel and it was back to the Padgett’s for the four of us, and we sat with a bottle of Southern Comfort putting the world to rights and looking at photos and things until the sun started coming up. Short sleep (in Otway's bed!!! Patsy will be so jealous!) and a long drive back after brekkie. Jon had to drive Richard to pick up Otway in London and then on to Brighton for a Duo gig that evening.
I got home shattered, and found that the two things I'd asked Eddie to do during the weekend, he'd forgotten. This included making sure there was stuff for Alex's packed lunch for the school trip the following day. So he went up to the shop to get some provisions, coming back with just CRISPS (potato chips to non-Brits), which I didn't discover until the next day when I came to make the lunch.
I was so annoyed about that I forgot to make lunch for Alex at all !!! We arrived at the school with his bags packed and I suddenly realised, so had to rush home to make the lunch and stop at the shops to get him some extras. THEN after seeing him off on the coach I remembered I'd not brought Nicky's PE kit in, so it was back home to collect it and back to the school again to drop it off. After a weekend of living the rock'n'roll lifestyle it was back down to earth with a bang!!!
On Wednesday of this week I was visiting my friend Barbara when my mobile went. I picked it up and a voice said "Hello Jane, it's Otway here!". I was so shocked. I've never been phoned by a Top Ten Chart Artist before :-))) Anyway, he wanted to film Thursday's Winchester gig for the Public Access TV show he's doing on Sky TV over the next few weeks. and as we've got a DV recorder he wanted me to bring it along and film him. He had Jon and Jan filming from two different places, his Manager Richard Cotton from the side and Barry Upton (who is responsible for "manufacturing" the band Steps - but don't hold that against him - and Bunsen Burner) at the back. He wanted me to do close ups. The stage is only six inches high and it's a seated venue., so in order for me to get some good shots of Richard (who is usually obscured by all that hair!!) I ended up crouching and lying on the floor. My shoulders really ached at the end of it as I couldn't use the tripod for those shots. Anyway, now, not only am I a backing vocalist on the B Side of a Top Ten Hit, but I'm also a TV cameraman!! Not bad for a self-styled boring housewife eh??
Anyway, Richard's baby is due in just over four weeks time, but may be born early as Nancy has MS and there could be complications (though she seems to be sailing through the pregnancy right now). So the next Otway gig I can get to will be a Solo one (15ht June - Nancy's due date!). I shall miss them all - though hopefully I may get to do the Dels Tribute track before then. Richard reckons that if he does all the backing and arrangement first it'll only take about four hours. It's a matter of fitting it in. He's off to France with the Rods for one weekend, and works for Channel 4 TV two days a week.
Looks like life may be a bit boring for the next few weeks......
That's Reality! |
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| Turkey |
[May. 1st, 2003|02:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
Another big big earthquake in Turkey - and a school has collapsed. They are having a hard time there in recent years. Bummer |
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| Quiet time at the Ranch |
[May. 1st, 2003|02:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Best Dream - Otway | ] |
Not written anything cos nothing much has happened recently. Pretty quiet old time. Off to see Dr Feelgood tonight though in Ascot - just one railway station away (yes, it's virtually door to door - a two minute train journey and I can have a drink!)
Saturday I'm trekking up to Derby to see Otway and co and on Sunday the Hot Rods are playing in Mansfield, just a few miles away. Am staying in a hotel on Saturday but will stay with Jon the Roadie on Sunday night. He and Jan live up there and have offered to put me up. The Band are staying on Saturday so they have no room then. Richard is staying with the Hot Rods on Sunday in a hotel I think, or maybe he's driving home to Nancy - though it's a bit of a trek.
Should be a good weekend, but I must remember to tell Eddie to make sure there is stuff for a packed lunch for Alex on Tuesday as he's off on his school trip. So I shall have to leave earlish on Monday to pack for him.
My boys are growing up! All these trips and things!!!! |
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| Bad diarist.... |
[Apr. 22nd, 2003|07:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
OK - OK - I know I've been a very poor diarist recently - I've not been feeling too good these past couple of weeks.
I am sick to death of these bloody migraines!!! I seem to get a bad headache lasting for three or four days every two weeks - and mostly they go to migraines. Have had this one since Sunday now and have spent most of today and yesterday in bed. Had another one for three days LAST weekend too.
Over-the-counter medicines just don't help - so I think I'm going to have to try to get to see my GP. Unfortunately, I have almost as much chance of getting an audience with the Pope! Unless you phone at 8.30 you can't get an appointment. You can't phone BEFORE then, so the world and his wife all try to get through at 8.30. So you sit with your finger on pernanent redial as the number is constantly engaged. So you FINALLY get through at 9.30 - top be told that all the appointments have gone and that you should have phoned at 8.30. ARGH!!!!
I think I'd rather wait until the kids are back at school anyway as I have a number of things I want to discuss and don't need them running round destroying the surgery. That is IF I'm allowed more than three minuted in there!! The National Health Service is pretty good in some ways - but you really aren't made to feel that you can actually TALK to your quack.
Great gig on Saturday at Putney - the Otway Band again. Slightly marred by lots of barbed comments from a certain Ms A - who is happy for me to give her a lift all over the country for free and even occasionally pay for her tickets - but who doesn't want me talking to the Band. She and B went out for a meal before the gig and when they came in I was talking to Richard and apparantly she said to B that we looked very cosy and that she would have to break it up. Who is she to say who either Richard or I should talk to? She also accused me of flashing my cleavage at him. Which was so not true - I had one button open but it was still a highish neck - she on the other hand was almost undone to the waist. But I wasn't going to point that out to her. She also kept pushing between us, until Otway came out of course, when she had to go and fawn all over him.
She made several barbed comments about Richard being off-limits and I should stay away - in front of him I might add. I know he's off limits - and so am I - which is why we CAN flirt and mess around together. He knows that's all it is - a bit of fun - but she's trying to make out I'm trying to get down his trousers. It makes me so angry! Today she phoned me and started saying I was kissing him much more than usual. But he kisses everyone and we're mates and apart from one time HE was the one who kissed ME. It's just that she tries to make out I'm in the wrong in front of the band. However, I do think they know what's what. At least I hope they do....
At least I'm going to the Derby and Winchester gigs without her. I quite enjoy having little secrets like that. Ed Hall - one of our friends is going to Derby too and we've booked into a hotel in Nottingham. The band are staying with Jon The Roadie and Jan his wife but we may go out for a meal with them anyway. If P knew about these little jaunts of mine she'd be livid. But it gives me a chance to get away from the family and do something for myself without having to put up with all her crap.
Richard is still on for the recording. He brought the subject up - I didn't want to hassle him about it. He's off to France on Thursday with the Hot Rods but will hopefully sort out a date after that. I think he knows I don't want to discuss it in front of Pats though - as he shut up when she came over.
At least, I hope the French thing is still on.... there were some problems with one of the gigs - and if that's cancelled it would cost them too much to go over. Unfortunately, Barrie is still in hossie with thrombosis, although he's much better and he's the fluent French speaker.... but Richard (the new boy afterall) is left to sort everything out with the promoters. No-one even told Dipster (the bassist) that last weekend's Punk Aid gig was cancelled - he called Richard and asked how he was going down there - not even realising that Barrie was ill !!! They sound so disorganised, and I think Richard is getting a little p-ed off with them.
Sunday was a big day for the kids. They've been on a course all week to enable them to take Holy Communion before they are confirmed, and Easter Sunday was their First Communion. I was so proud when they stood up and took their vows and they didn't even spit the wine out!! :-)
Anyway - my head is killing me and I think I need to take a few more tablets.....
But I feel better for having had the chance to vent about P .... |
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